December 2011
operator: 911 emergency what seems to be the problem
me: ther... there's someones in the house
operator: who is in the house sir
me: .......C...ory........
operator: .......
me: please help me
my kids: mommy and daddy how did you two meet
me: the internet honey she reblogged my picture and that's when i knew she was dtf
daniizombie:
libbiicady:
colouredribbons:
weasleyismyking:
infinity0nsigh:
have you ever gotten so angry about life that you run off into the rain take off your shirt and turn into a wolf
Every day.
sometimes twice a day.
pretty much usually at night though
only when the vampire marries my girlfriend. then i flip shit and want to have sex with their new born baby.
BWAHAHAHA!...
gigglingbean:
this is lmfao
this one is 37
and this one is his nephew
just let that sink in
When you hear your favourite song playing in the...
daily-tumbles:
Following this blog will be the best thing you ever do
walks into chair
me: sorry
chair:
When you were younger and a friend came over.
dezi196:
The awkward first half hour of politeness:
The next couple of hours:
When their parents came to collect them:
“HIDE! HIDE! THEY CAN’T TAKE YOU IF THEY CAN’T FIND YOU! IN MY ROOM! THEY WILL NEVER FIND YOU THERE! HIDE NIGGA HIDE! THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH!”
enemity:
moms they push you out of their vaginas ONE time and they think they automatically own you or something
colouredribbons:
weasleyismyking:
infinity0nsigh:
have you ever gotten so angry about life that you run off into the rain take off your shirt and turn into a wolf
Every day.
sometimes twice a day.
pretty much usually at night though
When you try to make a joke, but nobody thinks... →
daily-tumbles:
They are all like:
& I’m just like:
Following this blog will be the best thing you ever do
black person: I hate white people
everyone: true dat
white person: I hate black people
everyone: RACIST!
teacher: e-mail me the assignment by monday. i'll need your e-mail address.
me:
teacher:
me:
teacher:
me:
teacher:
me:
teacher:
me: tastybitch69@aol.com
url-for-rosss-birthday:
...
Whoever said money can't buy you happiness clearly...
What's the difference between tumblr and a...
A restaurant has servers that work.
''Are you free tomorrow?'' No, I'm expensive. →
funniest10k:
Follow this blog, you will love it on your dashboard
